Thinking, that's all.

I just want people to realize how beautiful and valuable they are. And that they don’t need anyone to tell them so.

I was in Costa Rica. Wait what? What is that? My mind still cannot comprehend that concept. I spent my spring break on a mission trip in Costa Rica. THAT IS SO CRAZY TO ME! I’m overwhelmed by my experience and all that I saw and felt while I was there. I’ve spent the past 48 hours mulling everything over and wishing I could go back. So, obviously, I’m about to write all about it. Brace yourself.

Selfless Service. I’m not one to work. I’m not very strong, and I’m a huge complainer. But I absolutely thrived every chance we were given to work. Our team built walls and shoveled dirt and hammered cement, and it ruled. It felt amazing to be doing something that benefits someone else without expecting anything in return. Each day I woke up expecting to be tired or worn down by the physical work done from the day before, but I felt nothing but rested and ready to jump into another day of labor. God answers prayers. He really does. I spent a lot of time in prayer asking God to give me His strength so I could work whole-heartedly each day, and He answered my prayers immediately. If only I felt that way every morning getting up for school. 

Childlike faith. I saw first hand what childlike faith looks like. It’s funny, but even though none of us could speak fluent Spanish, it didn’t seem to effect our interactions with the kids. I love them. My God, I love those kids so much. Playing with them and talking with them and hugging them was just the icing on top of a perfect week of work. Ironically, I feel like I was changed more by them rather than they were changed by us. I think I sort of assumed that when we would meet those kids from the church that they would be the ones overwhelmed and taken aback by us. That was silly to think, because I was so wrong. We were the ones that learned from them and grew by playing with them. Saying bye to the kids the last day after playing soccer, and duck duck goose, and frisbee with them was so hard. A couple of my friends even shed tears hugging them goodbye. Those children just love life, you know? They are so young yet they seem to know so much. They didn’t know anything about us prior to meeting us, but they still trusted and played with us all the same. How sweet is that?

Lessons Learned. I learned that sometimes all anyone wants is love, and someone who is willing to give it. I discovered that you have to go into anything with an open mind. I realized it’s not about what can be done for you, but what you can do for others. I remembered that all that I do and say should be for the glory of God, because He is Lord and King. I decided that sometimes it’s better to be silent and listen instead of trying to throw in your two cents every chance you get. I made friendships that will continue to develop even though the week in Costa Rica ended. I grew from those experiences and was humbled by the people I came to face to face with. All in all, I learned about life, and how important it is to take advantage of any oppurtunity given to step into someone elses shoes and live for a moment in their world.

Til next time, PURA VIDA!

Sometimes I hate how much I feel, and don’t feel. Every emotion that I go through is magnified by 10. I know that sounds silly, but I just mean that I feel so, so strongly. If I’m happy, you can bet I’m bouncing off the walls. But if I’m worried, I’m probably on the verge of an anxiety attack. At the same time, I don’t want anyone to know or see how I truly feel or when I’m upset over something. I don’t know why I’m like that, but it’s very inconvientent. I want to be a stable rock for other people, but I have difficulty being my own rock. My heart has the tendancy of caring too much, and that’s probably why I pretend like I couldn’t care less most of the time.

The same goes for people. I love people so much. I really do. I mean sure I’ll complain about society as a whole, but when it comes to an individual, I want to know them. I want to soothe their sadness and share in their joy. I think people are intriguing and beautiful. I get so excited about what they have to say and the way they think, even when I don’t agree completely with their ideas. Sometimes though, I have the misfortune of loving people too much. I call it a misfortune because I know these people may not care for me as much as I care for them. Has that ever happened to you? Have you ever cared about someone knowing full well that they don’t care for you nearly as much as you care for them? If you have, then you know that sucks. It feels bad because your heart is so full of love for them, but they don’t completely feel that same way, and then you’re left feeling like an idiot for having so many feelings.

Also, sometimes I overthink everything. Like the future, and my life, and how people perceive me in correlation to how I perceive myself, and where I stand in my relationship with Christ. And that’s not necessarily a bad thing, it’s just a little maddening at times. For me, it’s easy to get so wrapped up in my emotions, that I simply start to shut down. As I said before, that’s why I have the tendancy to care less, or pretend like I could care less, about everything. A lot of people probably assume that I don’t care about my grades or school, but in reality, I’m actually just afraid of failure so I don’t want to even deal with it. It’s kinda like passive aggressiveness. I would consider myself fairly bubbly and easy going, but because I try to avoid confronation, every now and then at some point I just sorta snap. That is why I want to change my ways. Today I feel emotional. So instead of trying to swallow my feelings or act like I don’t care, I’m gonna let it out. (hence the blog) I think you should allow yourself to get wrapped up in your feelings sometimes. If you feel mad, be mad. If your happy be happy. The way you feel is part of what makes you YOU, embrace it. You might as well deal with your emotions now instead of all at once later, right?

‘Til next time, I’m still learning how to produce tears.

• Question: I read some of your blogs, have I been lurking to much? Lolzzzz - myleserikrivera
• Answer:

  No, not at all! I love when people tell me they’ve read my blogs! Hope you found them amusing/entertaining/insightful

So lately I’ve been hearing the word “classy” being thrown around a lot. Normally, this would be okay, but in some circumstances, it’s being used as an adjective as opposed to an actual quality of a woman. That sounded silly, but let me try to explain. See, having class and being classy because of the kind of person you are is different than being “classy” for what you own.

To me, having class means holding yourself in a manner that is lady-like or admirable. A woman with class knows that the amount of skin exposed isn’t a measure of how beautiful she is. A classy woman avoids gossip, judgement, and self-righteousness. She understands that being classy isn’t about high heels and pearls, in fact, it isn’t about material objects at all. And that is my problem. I’m become increasingly more aggravated with girls that wear monogrammed clothing and automatically assume that makes them classy. Now, mind you, there is nothing wrong with monogrammed cups or chairs or whatever, but calling yourself classy because of what you own isn’t classy. Rather, you could say your sylish or trendy. Putting down others or weighing your class by what you own isn’t being classy. Class does not = money or beauty.

At least that’s how I feel. I just think that being classy is more than just pretty dresses and wearing bows. I know plenty of girls that are beautiful and call themselves classy, but don’t indulge in much more than calling people names and talking about how “unclassy” everyone else is. Perhaps this sounds judgmental, but if you remember correctly, Audrey Hepburn was classy not only because of her beauty and style, but because she was poised and a good role model. Young girls and woman looked up to her because of her elegence. Not just in taste, but in life. My favorite quote by her goes like this: “The beauty of a woman is not in the clothes she wears, the figure that she carries, or the way she combs her hair. The beauty of a woman is seen in her eyes, because that is the doorway to her heart, the place where love resides. True beauty in a woman is reflected in her soul. It’s the caring that she lovingly gives, the passion that she shows & the beauty of a woman only grows with passing years.” I hope that someone will think I’m classy because of the way I carry myself as an eighteen year-old, not because of what I wear.

‘til next time, maintain your class, even if they’re an-

So I’m thinking a lot about the new year. And I don’t want to sound like a crummy tweet that says “new year, new me” but I can’t help but reflect on the past 12 months and look forward to the next 12. It’s silly for someone to think that they will be different just because the last digit of a year has changed from a 2 to a 3. Change does not happen overnight, but when you look back collectively at how much you have grown in the past year, it is sorta amazing, and it makes you curious for the next year.

2012 was a very interesting year for me. I experienced a lot of new things. I had my first kiss, I rode a roller coaster for the first time, and I ice skated/sprained my ankle for the first (and hopefully last) time. I was blessed with many honors such as being elected junior favorite, becoming an officer for student council, getting accepted into A&M, and being crowned duchess for the homecoming court. There was also a lot of exciting mile stones for my family. My oldest sister got engaged in June and my other sister graduated college in August, and my parents renewed their wedding vows in December. Some experiences weren’t as great; best friends moved away for college, senior year was not what I hoped it would be, and I lost friends that I should have kept. So much more has taken place, and I could write a whole novel filling in the experiences I had in 2012, but that would take too long and it wouldn’t really explain how that has changed me.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, it’s not exactly the experiences themself that change you throughout the year, but the way they made you feel. It’s that feeling of butterflies you get when your holding hands mixed with the dissapointment of knowing it wont work out. It’s the feeling of being infinite during the summer replaced with the overwhelming weight of school destroying your brain and sleep in the fall. It’s the anxiety of applying for your dream college taken over by the feeling of pure joy when you open that acceptance letter. It’s all of these feelings you had in 2012 that have helped shape you and change you and mold you into the person you are now, in 2013. It’s just really crazy to think about. But also exciting. I am not the same person I was a year ago, and I won’t be the same person a year from now. So don’t make resolutions you can’t keep or try to make yourself a better person for the sake of a new year, just let life happen, because ultimately it will happen, and probably not in the way you originally planned.

‘Til next time, welcome 2013 and all that comes with it! (Costa Rica, wedding, prom, graduation, camp, senior trip, college) Yippie!

Have you ever paid attention to the knob on the front door of someone’s house? Probably not. I mean, why would you, right? The shape of it, the color, maybe the size? Well, have you ever considered who has touched that door knob? What they look like, their name, where they came from? What about the family on the other side of that door knob? Their struggles, their blessings, the situation they are in. I think everyone has their own uniquely defined door knob, and most are waiting patiently to be turned.

See, the reality is, we aren’t celebrities. Our lifes aren’t splashed across the cover of People magazine for everyone to see. Most of us don’t have an autobiography waiting to be opened. Even if our deepest secrets were strewn across the pages of a magazine or book though, many people would simply skip to the part that interests them and skim past the rest. It’s hard to think that our friends, neighbors, and even our role models have some sort of obstacle in their life, a demon that they have to face daily.

I believe that if more people cared, genuinely cared about the people that mean the most, even the least to them, they would find more to that person than what they show every day. If anyone, even you, took the time to turn that knob and push open the door, you would see more than what’s visible through the windows. And that would be a very good thing, I think. People need to feel the warmth of someone in their home, in their life. That’s what’s wrong with the world. That’s what’s wrong with me, and every other person I encounter for that matter. The world has forgotten to put others needs first. What people need is to care and be cared for. To love and to be loved. Nothing more. All it takes is a curious person to touch the door knob and a brave person to let them in.

‘Til next time, my front door is always unlocked.

• Question: Stopping by to say that I think you are so perfect and I really wish we were actually friends who hung out and I really wish that you liked me enough to want to be in my company. Don't ever change who you are and I wish you nothing but the most happiness that life can offer. - Anonymous
• Answer:

  Oh wow, that’s really sweet of you to say. Thank you very much, that really does mean a lot. And as for being friends, I love making new friends and I especially love hanging out! I, as well as anyone else, would be lucky to be in your company. Same goes to you, nameless entity. God has many beautiful things in store for you, just you wait! <3

Life is strange. So is time. I’m not sure I’ll ever fully understand either. But I think they go hand in hand. I mean, time is one of the biggest factors in life. Tired students count down the days until summer vacation. Blushing brides might count down the days until their wedding. And little children with bright eyes impatiently count down the days until Christmas. On the other hand, people sometimes have the tendancy to look back at their past. They try their hardest to forget embarressing moments, or spend countless nights wishing they could go back to days that felt like the world was spinning perfectly.

And sometimes, as in my case, you become overly aware of your own life, and how time has affected it. You look at your family, and slowly start to understand that they have always, and will always be there for you, no matter what temper tantrums you throw, or mistakes you make. You look at the friends that surround you, and realize that some aren’t by your side anymore. The faces of the people you go out with aren’t the same faces of people that you went out with a few months ago. And then you look at yourself. You see how you have grown and the way you are starting to look less like a child and more like a young adult. But beyond that, you see how you have changed. Your ideas about life, love, and God have evolved. You notice that you care less about the little things, and focus on the big picture. Your whole life is different than it was a year, month, even a day ago.

What I’m trying to say is, there is no way to freeze time, or go back in time, or fast forward to the future. Life isn’t something you wait for, it’s something that is happening right now, and you can’t change the speed of it. So you have to grin and enjoy your life as it is now. You have to laugh through the awkward moments, and take pictures of fun times. You have to be faithful when it feels like the world and everyone in it is against you, and know that it will get better. You have to take notice of the people who you surround yourself with, and figure out who is really there for you. You have to take time out of your busy schedule to spend time with your family, even if they literally drive you crazy. You have to take care of yourself, and remember that you are only given one life, and it’s meant to be lived fully. And most of all, you have to never forget to be kinder than you feel, because everyone is fighting their own hard battle and could probably use a sincere smile to help them through this crazy thing we call life.

‘Til next time, don’t waste your time